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Live from Corsica
Claudio Chavez - May 31st, 2018
Sweet balls of fuck, regular season in the CEHL is in full force. Before we delve into the season winners and losers, and by that I mean just the losers and by that I mean the new GMs.
The good news is we have 4 new GMs to welcome to the league. Most of whom inherited shit filled balls of toilet paper as a team.
Wayne "St. Hebert" has found himself a new watering hole in Michigan. Issue is the drinking water in Flint is probably more refreshing and healthier than this shit pile of a team. Relax, I'm joking. He's got all his picks, at least until someone convinces him The Sedins are worth a first.
Nashville now has Jhett Folk-Singer as their GM in chief. Wonder whose dick he sucked to not end up with a total pile of garbage. Just joking, relax. We already know that answer.
San Jose finally has a GM after years of not having one. Welcome Matt Fair-Price... bet you're totally happy that your best player went from legendary to average in a few seasons! Just joking, relax. There's a good chance he'll be moved to a better team before he downrates.
L.A. turns a leaf with new GM Kevin "Big" Bamford. Wait, no, still a mediocre team but now with 90% less personality in the GM position. Just joking, we all know Steve had zero personality as well. Or was that talent?
And finally, the man who maybe the mastermind behind all the above names... new Calgary GM, Derek "Multi-Master" Tibbitts-Hunter-Holy-Fuck-What-A-Name. Glad to have an experienced GM finally behind the wheel in Alberta. Relax, I'm kidding. This is the guy who paid almost $9m a year for Vanek.
Hold the horses breaking news!!! There's been yet ANOTHER GM change in Calgary. The only thing consistent in Calgary is the lack of interest in it by every other GM in the league. Whose the new guy? Who cares! He'll quit in a week too.
So there, the welcome wagon is finally done and now maybe we can start focusing on something important. Like regular....
HOLD THE HORSES WE’VE GOT BREAKING NEWS.... AGAIN!!!!
I have just found out that esteemed and long-time running Commissioner Ryan Williams was replaced by Colin and Grant for having multiple BBM accounts which he is rumoured to have used to manipulate the league.
What a devastating atrocity!!! Hiding behind a pseudonym to protect your identity! What is this world coming too?
See you next Tuesday.