With your skates in the air, and your head and on the ice

Try this double-shift lineup trick and sim it

Your team will collapse, as you hit the minimum roster OV limit

And you’ll ask yourself

Where is my sim?

Where is my sim?

WHERE IS MY SIMMMMMM??????????????

The Caufield Situation: A Story About Dan Rudd, Ryan #2, and the Specific Danger of Being Too Confident About the RFA Process

Sources close to Ryan Shumay describe his current mood as "I'm fine, this is fine, Dan Rudd is a dead man."

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN LOS ANGELES AND ANAHEIM — Ryan Shumay has a plan. He has had the plan for approximately three weeks, since Dan Rudd — of Philadelphia, of the Anaheim Ducks, of I just checked the RFA wire and yes, I'll take him — signed Cole Caufield out from under him and started talking about it publicly. The plan involves Dan Rudd, some unspecified physical or psychological component, and, if necessary, turning Dan into a bunnyhug while he sleeps.

"He knows what he did," said sources familiar with Ryan Shumay's current emotional state.

Dan Rudd already had Connor Hellebuyck. The best goalie in the league. An 84 OV brick wall who makes Anaheim dangerous on any given night regardless of what's happening in front of him. Dan looked at that and said: not enough. I want Caufield too.

Cole Caufield is not just any player. Cole Caufield is a Montreal Canadien — not technically, not anymore, but in the way that matters to a kid from Saskatchewan who grew up watching the Habs with the kind of reverence most people reserve for religion. Ryan had him. Ryan was that close. Ryan also, at some point in the RFA process, did not do something he was supposed to do, and Dan Rudd — who absolutely knows how the RFA process works and will explain it to you whether you asked or not — was watching.

The tender wasn't right. The offer sheet went in. Caufield went to Anaheim.

Ryan Shumay currently has no skater above 79 OV. He is the youngest GM in this league and was, until recently, one of the most confident — which is a combination that produces either a dynasty or exactly this kind of situation. He is now somewhere in Saskatchewan, alone, driving on a very flat road, absolutely stewing, running the plan through his head for the fourteenth time.

The revenge is coming. Ryan has made this clear. Whether it's physical, mental, or the conversion of one Dan Rudd into a bunnyhug — that's a hoodie, for those of you not from the prairies — remains at Ryan's discretion. What is not at Ryan's discretion is whether it's happening. It's happening.

Dan Rudd, meanwhile, is probably on a call right now. Dan is fine. Dan has the best goalie in the league, a Montreal Canadien on his roster, and the unshakeable composure of a man from a city that once booed Santa Claus and never thought about it again. Dan has been informed of the threat. Dan is still talking about the Caufield signing.

One of them is sleeping with one eye open tonight.

It is not Dan

CEHL SEASON 37 PREVIEW: NO ACCOUNTABILITY, NO REFUNDS

A Deep Spiritual Journey Powered by Roster Data, Questionable Character References, and an AI That Has Now Read Your Entire Chat History and Knows Too Much

One Commissioner, 31 teams, zero conflict of interest. Thirty-one GMs were described to an AI in a single sentence. The AI has stared into those sentences, cross-referenced them against player ratings, and has reached conclusions about your personality that your therapist is still working toward. What follows is either a season preview or an intervention. Possibly both.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

WASHINGTON CAPITALS

Commissioner Grant Semelman — who, just to clarify, writes the rules for this league — has Nathan MacKinnon (87 OV), Nikita Kucherov (85), Andrei Vasilevskiy (84), Brayden Point (83), and Adam Fox (83) on his roster. That's like stacking a Monopoly game while also being the banker. Colin March finally has a real reason to be suspicious. 

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS

Cale Makar is rated 88 OV — the single highest-rated skater in the entire league — and he plays for the Maple Leafs. Mark Kostovski also has Matthews (84), Shesterkin (83), and Ovechkin (83). This is either the greatest Leafs roster ever assembled or the most elaborate setup for heartbreak in sports simulation history. Probably both. They're still the Leafs.

CAROLINA HURRICANES

Roman Josi (84). Mitch Marner (83). Jack Eichel (83). Ilya Sorokin (83). Artemi Panarin (82). Dylan Larkin (82). Chad Wise has built something that legitimately should win a championship. The sim engine has been informed. The sim engine will decide for itself. Chad has been here before. We're rooting for you, buddy. It hasn't helped yet.

BUFFALO SABRES

The Doctor came back. Evan Bouchard (83), JT Miller (82), Drew Doughty (81), Jaccob Slavin (81), and two competent goalies. Dr. Painter didn't blow up the team after winning — he returned with essentially the same machine. The Cup has a dent shaped like a stethoscope and it's coming back for a second opinion.

PHILADELPHIA FLYERS

David Pastrnak (83), Kyle Connor (81), Logan Thompson (81) in goal, Vince Dunn (81), Jonas Brodin (80). Jeffery Dyck has five players at 80 OV or above, elite goaltending, and a defensive corps that can compete with anyone in the East. Jeffery remains furious regardless. What Jeffery is angry about specifically is unclear. It's possible he just came that way.

NEW JERSEY DEVILS

Connor McDavid is rated 88 OV. He plays for New Jersey. The league auditor has the best player in the game surrounded by Radek Faksa (74 OV), Tye Kartye (72), and a man named Blake Lizotte. This is the hockey equivalent of putting a Ferrari in a parking garage full of 2009 Corollas. McDavid will drag this team to 80 points through sheer refusal to accept reality, and Shawn will audit the box score afterward for irregularities.

DETROIT RED WINGS

Quinn Hughes is rated 85 OV. He plays for Larry. Larry has not commented on this. Larry will not comment on this. Pettersson (80), Raymond (80), Montembeault (80) in net. The Wings are a better team than most of the league realizes, which is exactly how Larry wants it. Do not drive past his driveway while thinking about this.

COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS

Todd Parry wants to tank. Todd Parry has also not been reliably seen since roughly the offseason. The lines are being submitted by some combination of inertia and dark magic. The problem with Todd's tank strategy is that he forgot Matthew Tkachuk is on this roster. Tkachuk (81 OV) is constitutionally incapable of losing on purpose — he will fight someone, score on the next shift, and personally antagonize the other team's goalie until Columbus accidentally wins four in a row. Vincent Trocheck (81 OV) is just quietly competent beside him, making things worse. Todd's plan requires the roster's cooperation. Todd is not here to explain the plan. Tkachuk doesn't take direction from people who are present, let alone absent.

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS

Nick Suzuki (81) and Mathew Barzal (80) lead a team whose farm roster has 30+ players on it, including four different centers, an aging Nicklas Backstrom, and a man named Gleb Veremyev. Mike loves the Islanders and appears to be collecting players the way someone collects fridge magnets — compulsively, without a clear plan, but with great affection.

TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING

Filip Gustavsson (82 OV) in net. Tage Thompson (81). Adrian Kempe (82). Jake Sanderson (81). Travis Konecny (80). Pierre has built a young, fast, well-goaltended team that nobody is taking seriously right now. That's fine. That's excellent, actually. The league will take them seriously in Round 2.

NEW YORK ISLANDERS

Moritz Seider (82). Roope Hintz (81). This is an actual hockey team with actual good players. Andrew Moorhead would know this if he could be reached. The roster was submitted by someone. The lines are set by someone. Andrew has not been seen since roughly last February. The milk cartons are circulating.

NEW YORK RANGERS2

Rasmus Dahlin (84). Macklin Celebrini (80). Three goalies rostered. A farm bursting with young talent Mark Mead has been accumulating since before some of them were born. The Rangers aren't winning the Cup this year but Mark is laying pipe that will make everyone miserable in about two seasons. The stockpile is real. The patience will pay off.

BOSTON BRUINS

Travis Sanheim (79 OV) is the best player on this roster. Their goalies are Alex Lyon (78) and Jon Gillies (72). Blair Marshall submitted this roster and Blair Marshall remains the league's greatest mystery. The Bruins will finish around .450 and Blair will have submitted lines on time. That's all we've got on Blair.

MONTREAL CANADIENS

K'Andre Miller (80) is their best player. Goalies are Kahkonen (75) and Schmid (76). Josh Gordon manages this franchise while presumably wearing gloves and standing two metres from everyone else. The rituals have not yet produced elite goaltending. Josh will adjust the recipe. We don't want to know the ingredients.

FLORIDA PANTHERS

Adin Hill (81) is excellent. Lane Hutson (80) and Thomas Harley (80) are exciting young offensive defensemen. Mike has constructed something potentially intriguing — IF he can keep his eyes open long enough to develop it. The Panthers are at the edge of relevance and Mike is at the edge of consciousness. Set an alarm, Mike. Drink water.

OTTAWA SENATORS

Juuse Saros is rated 82 OV and he's healthy. That changes things for Anthony's squad considerably. The forward group is still thin — Danault (77) and Copp (76) are the engines up front — and the blue line tops out at Drysdale (76). But a healthy 82-rated goalie can steal you 10 to 15 wins in a season. Anthony's squeeze-in hopes aren't delusional. They're goalie-dependent, which is a fine place to be when your goalie is 82.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

PHOENIX COYOTES

Leon Draisaitl (86 OV). Aleksander Barkov (84). Jack Hughes (82). Miro Heiskanen (82). Linus Ullmark (82). Joey Daccord (81). Tom Wilson (81). Jeremy Wall built this from a different continent entirely. He is watching sim results at 3am while the rest of the league sleeps. The most dangerous thing in this league is a well-rested roster operated by a sleep-deprived Australian.

MINNESOTA WILD

Jake Mednick puts hockey players on socks, which makes him the only GM in this league who is simultaneously his team's employer and its merchandise. When your job is deciding which players are worth immortalizing on footwear, you develop opinions. Kaprizov (84 OV) and Karlsson (84 OV) are on his roster. They are almost certainly also on a sock. Necas (81), Robert Thomas (81), Tavares (81), and Markstrom (80) in net round it out. Nobody is talking about Minnesota. Jake is used to people not noticing until they look down.

SAN JOSE SHARKS

Zach Werenski is rated 85 OV and plays defense. A defenseman. With a higher overall than Connor Bedard and Quinn Hughes. Add Sidney Crosby (83) up front and Sergei Bobrovsky (83) in net and you have a roster screaming "finally." Brent Abell has been asking "could this be the year" for several seasons. He can stop asking. It's the year.

NASHVILLE PREDATORS

Connor Bedard's overall is 80, not 90, because his experience rating is 35 and his leadership is 33. The sim engine trusts him about as much as you'd trust any rookie to run a two-minute drill. He can shoot, he can skate, he just occasionally doesn't know what a 3-2 is. Fielding has built a real team around him — Stolarz (80) in net, Jarvis (80), Duchene (79) — and Nashville is genuinely dangerous. But until Bedard's ratings catch up to his talent, this is a contender with a learner's permit.

ANAHEIM DUCKS

Connor Hellebuyck is rated 84 OV and is the best goalie in the league. Dan Rudd is an American who wins too much, and Hellebuyck is exactly why. On any given night he makes Anaheim a threat regardless of what's happening in front of him. Dan knows this. Dan is already planning. Do not give Dan any satisfaction.

ST. LOUIS BLUES

Mikko Rantanen (83). Josh Morrissey (82). Seth Jones (81). Filip Forsberg (81). Jordan Kyrou (80). Matt Boldy (80). Cam Talbot (80) in net. Cory Williams has a legitimate Western Conference contender and will describe every winning streak using a musical metaphor. The Blues are deep, balanced, and competitive. The puns will be insufferable. The points will be real.

CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS

Letang (82), Parayko (81), Tkachuk (81), Hagel (81), Horvat (80). Matthew Rehman wants the Western Conference title. That's ambitious. This IS a playoff team — a real one — but the conference title bracket starts with Draisaitl and ends with Kaprizov, and Matthew is somewhere in the middle of that sentence. Playoff contender? Absolutely. Western Conference champion? Buddy.

EDMONTON OILERS

Victor Hedman (84 OV) runs Edmonton's power play. Darcy Kuemper (82) is a top-5 goalie in the league. Andrew Bradley fields a playoff team every single season through a combination of smart roster construction and the quiet competence that makes everyone else want to file a grievance. The grievance office is closed. Andrew is fine. He is always fine. Damn him.

DALLAS STARS

Jeremy Swayman (81) is an elite goalie. Sebastian Aho (82) is a genuine first-line center. Devin Decastro spent years being grumpy while tanking. He is now grumpy while competing. The scowl is the same. The roster is better. Dallas is a real playoff team and Devin will grimace through every single win.

CALGARY FLAMES

MacKenzie Weegar (83 OV) anchors a defense that also features Morgan Rielly (81), Luke Hughes (79), and Bowen Byram (78). Jake Oettinger (83) is the starter in net. Taylor Arcaini is American and counts Dan Rudd as a personal friend. The league has only itself to blame for not treating that as a warning sooner. He's quietly built one of the more complete rosters in the West. Verhaeghe (79), Svechnikov (79), and Slafkovsky (78) give him scoring depth. This is no longer just a "watch this space" team. Calgary is arriving.

VEGAS GOLDEN KNIGHTS

Shea Theodore (82). Tim Stutzle (81). Noah Dobson (81). Thatcher Demko (80). Kevin Lapointe has built something legitimate — a genuine, honest-to-goodness playoff team. Kevin has been knocking on this door for years. This season the door opens. We've been saying this for three years. At some point we have to be right.

WINNIPEG JETS

Charlie McAvoy (81). Sam Reinhart (81). Alex Tuch (81). Brock Faber (80). Mackenzie Blackwood (80). Chuck Clark has three 81-OV players and two 80s and nobody noticed because Chuck doesn't make announcements. Chuck shows up. Chuck wins. Chuck is "here, I guess" in the way that a playoff team is "here, I guess." Chuck is watching.

VANCOUVER CANUCKS

Ryan Williams likes Magic: The Gathering, and Vancouver's roster has that exact energy — carefully assembled, internally consistent, missing the one mythic rare that actually wins the game. DeBrincat (80) is the headliner. Matheson (80) is solid. Charlie Lindgren (78) in net is fine the way a good uncommon is fine. The problem is fine doesn't beat Phoenix. Ryan knows exactly what card he needs. He just hasn't pulled it yet. The collection grows. The trophy case does not.

LOS ANGELES KINGS

No skater cracks 79 OV. Andersen (79) in goal is the best player on this team. Ryan Shumay is the youngest GM in the league managing a roster that is learning at roughly the same pace he is. The Kings are not competing this year. The Kings are developing. Ryan will be dangerous in two years. This is not two years from now.

COLORADO AVALANCHE

Anthony DeAngelo (78 OV defenseman) is their best skater. The goalies are Vladar (76) and Sogaard (73). Brodie Ellis is easing out of the tank with the timeline of a geology project. The picks are coming. The future is coming. The present is 76-rated goaltending and Max Domi on the first line. Progress is slow. Progress is real. Progress is not a playoff spot.

SEATTLE KRAKEN

Jordan Binnington (81 OV) is the best player on this team and he's a goalie, which says everything about the forward group. Colin March runs this franchise, which he proved by rostering himself on the farm as a defenseman at 54 OV — all 50s across the board. Whether this is self-awareness or conspiracy commentary is unclear. Colin believes it connects back to Washington somehow. Colin is building his case. The case has a 54 OV overall.

THE FORECAST

Eastern Playoffs

Bubble: Columbus (Tkachuk chaos), Rangers (Mark cashes a chip), Pittsburgh Missing: Ottawa (goalie-dependent squeeze), Montreal, Florida, Boston, Islanders (location unknown)

Western Playoffs

Bubble: Chicago (Matthew's ceiling), Dallas (Devin's floor), Vegas (Kevin's moment), Winnipeg (Chuck's quiet push) Missing: Colorado (patience required), Vancouver (no bomb rare), LA (development year), Seattle (Colin March, 54 OV d-man, building a case)

BOLD PREDICTIONS

Cup Final: Washington over Phoenix in 7. The Commissioner built the best team. The rules were written accordingly. Colin March is absolutely taking notes.

Biggest Surprise: San Jose. Werenski at 85 OV is absurd and Crosby doesn't lose quietly.

Annual Heartbreak Award: Carolina. Josi, Marner, Eichel, Sorokin — the works. First or second round. Sorry Chad.

Dark Horse: Minnesota. Jake Mednick. Dual 84s. Nobody is ready.

Most Improved: Calgary. Taylor's no longer just Dan's friend. He's a problem.

Biggest Red Flag: Ottawa. Saros is good. The two guys behind him are not. Pray for Saros's durability.

COMMISSIONER'S NOTE

The following statement was submitted by League Commissioner Grant Semelman and has been printed in full, unedited, as a matter of transparency.

The Commissioner wishes to make clear that he did not write this preview, does not endorse its conclusions, and takes no responsibility for its characterizations of league members, several of whom are his friends. The AI was given minimal context and apparently used it to psychoanalyze 31 people it has never met. This is not what it was asked to do.*

The Commissioner also wishes to state, for the record, that his roster was assembled through years of careful, above-board roster management and that the repeated references to "dark motives" and "conflict of interest" are both unfair and — and this is important — completely unprovable.*

The Commissioner notes that Colin March's conspiracy theories are not validated by this document and that rostering yourself on your own farm team at 54 OV is, frankly, more suspicious than anything happening in Washington.*

The Commissioner thanks the league for its continued participation and reminds all GMs to submit your lines and spay and neuter your pets.*

— G. Semelman, Commissioner, CEHL "I did not ask for this. I am asking you to read it anyway."

Let the season begin!

The waiver draft is complete and we are ready for the season to begin. The season will start tuesday night please have your lines set and ticket prices adjusted.

Please see the waiver draft results.

1 Colorado- Urho Vaakanainen

2 Vancouver-Stefan Noesen

3 Detroit- Cal Petersen

4 Boston- pass

5 Rangers-Sam Lafferty

6 LosAngeles-Juuso Parssinen

7 Montreal- pass

8 Florida- pass

9 Dallas- pass

10 Columbus- Cole Schwindt

11 Pittsburgh- pass

12 Winnipeg- pass

13 Seattle- Scott Mayfield

14 Nashville- pass

15 New Jersey- Mason Shaw

16Vegas -pass

17 Philly -pass

18 St. Louis -pass

19 Washington -pass

20 Carolina -pass

21 San Jose- pass

22 Calgary:- pass

23 Toronto:- pass

24 Phoenix -pass

25 Islanders- Max Comtois

26 Ottawa-pass

27 Edmonton- pass

28 Chicago-pass

29 Minnesota-pass

30 Tampa Bay- pass

31 Anaheim-Erik Kallgren

32 Buffalo-pass

Preseason ENDS! Roster Deadline LOOMS!

Preseason has come and gone, and now it's time for the waiver draft bringing us to the roster deadline.

All lines with valid rosters must be received by 9 PM Friday April 3rd. After that the waiver draft list will be formed.

Please check the waiver draft page for who on your team is currently exposed to the draft and must be moved to your pro roster : https://www.canadianelitehockeyleague.ca/WaiverDraft.php

As a reminder anyone 24 years + as listed in the sim that played more than 20 games last season must pass through waivers to be left on your farm roster. The waiver draft page listed above takes this into consideration.

All teams must be at least $0 financials and their rosters must be valid. As a reminder here are the roster rules.

• You are required to dress a minimum of 18 skaters and 2 goalies for a total of 20 players in your lineup 
• A Maximum of 23 Active (non injured, on contract) pro roster players 
• You must dress at least 3 centers, 3 left wingers, 3 right wingers, 4 defencemen and 2 goalies to meet the minimum sim position requirements
• Farm rosters can only consist of players 76OV or lower. 
• Players 77+ OV signed in FA cannot be waived and MUST be on your final roster.

PRESEASON!……..

Starts tomorrow… as a reminder rosters dont need to be valid yet. After the last game valid rosters must be submitte for the waiver draft.  

Dear Daniel,

I hate your stinking guts 

You make me vomit 

You are the scum between my toes 

Love CEHL Los Angeles Kings 

P.s. you’re tacky and I hate you

P.s.s.  I hope you get a very inconvenient cold. 
P.s.s.s. Taylor is more American than you are. 

The ballots are in!

Please see your season 36 award winnners!:

Note: teams that did not submit have been fined 250K

Hart Trophy (2M) – Connor Mcdavid (NJ)

Vezina Trophy (2M) – Igor Shesterkin (TOR)

Norris Trophy (2M) – Cale Makar (TOR)

Hard-Nosed Dman (1.5M) – Radko Gudas (NYI)

Lady Byng Trophy (1.5M) – Kirill Kaprisov (MIN)

Selke Trophy (1.5M) – Elias Lindholm (PHI) Austin Matthews (TOR) 750K each

Players next season (750K) New Jersey

Calder Trophy (1.5M) – Macklin Celebrini  (NYR)

The Gordie Howe Trophy (1.5M) – Brady Tkachuk (CHI)

GM of the year  (1.5M) – Taylor Arciani  (CGY)

Best Trade (1.5M) – Rangers/Boston 500K each

Free Agency Update

Hi Folks!

Free Agency will open Friday at 9PM EST. Please do NOT submit before then.

Please take a moment to read the FA rules on the rules page (League Activities → Free Agency)

The draft has come and gone. Some great picks were made… some questionable ones too (you know who you are). That is all that will be said.

Huge thanks to Ryan Williams for serving as our Draft Master and keeping things moving.

Now it’s on to Free Agency! We’re aiming to open FA later next week, but first we need to wrap up awards so everyone—especially the cash‑strapped among us—knows exactly how much money they’re working with. Thank your Shawn and Andy for helping out with the ballot.

Please complete and submit your ballot using the form linked below. Ballots must be received by Wednesday, February 25th, or you may be subject to fines.

https://forms.gle/QeZyhuUEwGPpum2C7