Congrats to Less Evil Mark's fantastic Smitty Cup Win. It was a long time coming but season 34 ended up the year of the Leaf. Let's hope it rubs off on the real Leafs this season ;)

Please see your non-voting awards for the season. Finances, Extensions, Rev sharing and Playoff bonuses have all been processed. So, get ready for rerates and the new season as we have a few surprises! More to come!

When asked to comment on the Toronto vs St.Louis finals:

If Thor and Jean Grey were allowed to use their superpowers in a hockey game, Jean Grey would likely have the upper hand. Her telekinetic abilities would allow her to control the puck effortlessly, block shots, and manipulate the game’s dynamics from a distance. She could also use her telepathy to anticipate and counter Thor's moves.

While Thor’s Asgardian strength and durability would make him a formidable physical presence and give him the ability to deliver powerful shots, Jean's telekinetic control would provide her with a significant strategic advantage, potentially neutralizing Thor’s physical prowess. So, in a superpowered hockey match, Jean Grey's abilities would probably give her the edge in winning.

Chat gpt has spoken.

Season 34 Playoffs Round 1 (The CEHL Multiverse)

We know the CEHL exists in a universe where everything makes sense. We have 31 fully active gms all putting their best effort into icing teams that can win championships. Unfortunately, the reality is that only 16 of these teams can make the postseason. It is easy to forget, but coincidence or not, we tend to see our commissioner win these titles. Thankfully most have not realized it is fruitless to attempt to best a villain of this magnitude. When will villains realize that with great power comes great responsibility? 

Our regular season champ Washington Capitols take on the Philadelphia Flyers. Grant Semelman AKA Wilson Fisk is obviously our Kingpin. The true crime boss of the CEHL relies on his charm to offset the ruthlessness with which he controls our world. While Jeffrey Daredevil Dyck is a solid adversary, a person would have to be equally blind to think Hells Kitchen will belong to anyone but Kingpin. Not everyone deserves a happy ending.

Toronto once again makes the playoffs as his run-it-back policy seems to have no end in site. Our Jean Grey will face off against Mister Sinister himself Todd Parry. Sinister has perfected cloning and mutation as he has turned Nedelkovic and Peterson tandem into Brodeur and Roy. As powerful as Kostovski is, don’t be surprised to see him turn into Phoenix when he loses in round 1. Kill me before I kill someone else.

Carolina and Buffalo will be an interesting series. Rich is definitely our Doctor Doom and he has battled Reed Richards (Mr. Wise) several times in the past. A true battle of wit, Chad has managed to use his enormous grasp to assemble an incredible group of talent under one jersey. Rich has used his immense knowledge to put together the right weapons to match up. Predictably the hero will win this battle. Doom is no mans second choice.

When you are the one who can put Connor McDavid on your roster, it’s really hard to believe you aren’t the man who has everything. Our Iron Man, Shawn Lawrence, has been able to back up his ego with several battle wins vs. friends and foes. Mike Mandarin Osterloh has battled Stark technology before and has learned to use it against our Iron Man. Alex Ovechkin will use his rings of power and all the money in the world will not be able to buy a series win for Shawn. Sometimes you’ve got to run before you can walk.

If we had a Trickster in this league, you could definitely see Chuck Clark in the role. He has appeared in many forms but always a threat. Cory would be our God of Thunder for sure. In a bit of a plot twist his Moljnir seems to be Mikael Backlund this year. This should be St. Louis’ year in the west. Thor lifts the Hammer and Cory lifts the Cup. I’m only alive because fate wants me alive.

Mild mannered Dan Rudd seems to have always understood it was his responsibility to represent the West. A regular season Peter Parker turns into a post season Spiderman when hes called upon. Kevin Lapointe has been known to throw drop a few bombs on the league. The Knights have flown under the radar but your friendly neighborhood ducks gm seems to be vulnerable this year and Green Goblin could definitely come out on top. But the one thing they love more than a hero is to see a hero fail, fall, die trying. In spite of everything you've done for them, eventually they will hate you.

It is rare to see two true greats get a round 1 matchup, but Professor X Jake Mednick and Magneto Jer Wall will be to remember. This is a battle that feels like we’ve known was inevitable for a long time. The Coyotes have been gaining ground for many years and finally seem to be a worth opponent. Expect a very Cerebral game from Jake and Jer to attempt to bend everything to his will, I just don’t think Professor X can lose this one. When an individual acquires great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything.

You will likely not come across a more ferocious series this season than the upcoming series between Chicago and Edmonton.  Picture a battle between Wolverine and Sabretooth, animalistic to the extreme.  Who will win?  Both teams can have ups and downs, but both can claw their way back from the depths and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The Oilers GM has been heard saying, “I’m the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn’t very good.”

This was written to be an addition to Ryan's playoff preview not to replace it. I look forward to reading his preview.

Trade Tracker

When the sun broke through a pair of broken blinds this morning and woke up Grant Semelman. The trade deadline had passed.

Let's take a look at how many trades each team completed this season. 

Season 34

Anaheim – 8 trades

Boston – 2 trades

Buffalo – 2 trades

Calgary – 9 trades

Carolina – 19 trades

Chicago – 3 trades

Colorado – 13 trades

Columbus – 0 trades

Dallas – 8 trades

Detroit – 1 trade

Edmonton – 23 trades

Florida – 1 trade

Islanders – 2 trades

Los Angeles – 4 trades

Minnesota – 20 trades

Montreal – 8 trades

Nashville – 1 trade

New Jersey - 22 trades

Ottawa – 7 trades

Philly – 11 trades

Coyotes – 20 trades

Pittsburgh – 10 trades

Rangers – 33 trades

San Jose – 13 trades

St. Louis – 10 trades

Tampa Bay – 2 trades

Toronto – 7 trades

Vancouver – 12 trades

Vegas – 6 trades

Washington – 8 trades

Winnipeg – 4 trades

Devils lose Danforth on waivers- Ship Johnson to Pittsburgh 

Hoping to clear cap space, and lack of bites on his trade block from fellow gms,  GM Shawn Lawrence made the hasty choice to waive Vinnie Hinostroza and Justin Danforth. 

As it turned out the desperate move was PREMATURE. Sure as shit the Penguins reeling from the season ending injury to Tyler Seguin offered up the ask of a 4th round pick in the 24 draft for C/W Tyler Johnson, while the New York Rangers, despite having 7 players rated higher than Danforth buried on their minor league team, put in a claim. 

In a related roster move the devils have called up 2022 2nd round pick Tye Kartye to fill out the roster. 

Sabotage In San Jose

San Jose Shark Owner, Hasso Plattner has unveiled minority share holders sabotaging team competitiveness in a bid to relocate the team to Oakland, California as a new age California Golden Seals team.

GM Brent Abell was threatened by minority share holders to sell talent to scuttle the season. Arrests are pending for threatened castration. Owner Plattner has renewed his contract and given him the reins as team President and GM. Those team shares are part of the new contract for GM Abell with a renewed initiative to compete in Season 34 and to bring a Smitty Cup to San Jose.

New Jersey adds Nicklas Backstrom

Hoping to bolster is lineup in an effort to repeat as Champs, GM Shawn Lawrence opted for a cheaper option shipping out the teams 2026 3rd round pick for Nicklas Backstrom. 

Backstrom has past ties with the organization, having played with the devils in seasons 16 and 17. Back then he was the teams first line center. Now, I'm what is likely his retirement season, he will be counted on to bolster the bottom 6. 

“We just decided with what was out there to go the safe less costly route,” said Lawrence, while refraining from making any comments on the devils possible interest in such players as Patrik Laine ,Jordan Eberle and Ryan O'Reilly. 

The choice to add Backstrom over the other three players was no doubt tied to Laines off ice troubles, the Ottawa gm asking a first plus for eberle, and finding it too difficult to fit O'Reillys's 4m plus cap hit. Even still, the devils gm still has some work to do to fit Backstrom's cap hit.

With the trade deadline days away, its not out of the question to expect some more moves from the defending Champs.

Vancouver looking to sell or trade more players before the deadline

Vancouver GM Ryan Williams has announced his intentions to try and move pending unrestricted free agents C/LW Jaden Schwartz (76) and G Kevin Lankinen (77). D Derek Forbort (77) could also be available for the right offer. Please reach out via Facebook message or carrier pigeon if you're interested in completing a transaction before the deadline. 

Calgary? more like Reallybadteam-gary. 

Hope. Its a dangerous thing… At the beginning of the season the streets of Calgary were filled with it. After years of tanking management FINALLY decided to spend money on highly sought after free agents. Now? The homeless population wouldn't even be caught dead wearing a Flames jersey. The hope that this mediocre city once had has vanquished faster then a fresh bottle of Maple Syrup on the Bradley breakfast table on a crisp Saturday morn. Management looks to next season. Management hopes for next season…. 

Trade Block:

Nick Backstrom (1) 3.1 

Eric Staal (1) 1.5 

Ondrej Palat (1) 3.5 

Blake Wheeler (1) 5.0

Alex Edler (1) 1.25 

Looking for picks in any year

TO BUY or TO SELL, THAT is the QUESTION

In our modern age of hockey, the buy and sell factor plays a huge role to GMs looking to bolster their lineup, respectfully, from both sides of the coin. On one hand, you have GM's looking to add significant pieces for the current playoff run that is upcoming. And on the other, you have GM's looking to add significant pieces for the future by moving away from the veterans that can be a home run hit for a playoff caliber team.

And then, you have the Ottawa Senators. 

Sitting only 2 points out of a playoff position, the Senators GM has a very big decision ahead of him. Twenty games remain for Ottawa, who are currently 10th in the conference and just two points shy of that last playoff spot. And GM Anthony Curatolo has a number of options. Those are to stand pat, to add on the blue line where they lack the most talent, or to sell off what he has on his current roster and create an entire overhaul of the organization. 

Now is the time to sell, it seems, for Ottawa. However, the GM may have a trick or two up his sleeve. Especially with a top caliber goaltender in Jeremey Swayman leading the charge. 

Thus remains the question, to buy or to sell. 

For Ottawa, veterans Matts Zuccarello and Jordan Eberle could fetch some pieces to create a better future for the organization. And that was the thought process prior to this sudden outburst of victories and points obtained by the club. Now, we see a different side to this story. These veterans hold a valuable presence to, if desired, a playoff push. 

Playoffs bring in financial assets that this club is also in dire need of. Which leads to this damning decision that the GM faces. 

Already having moved out some key pieces throughout the year, due to a horrendous start and season up to the recent onslaught by Ottawa, no one in the league, and the fanbase alike, would have guessed that the GM would be in such a position at such a crucial time. However, here we are………

And the question remains, to buy, or to sell?

CEHL Tank Report

The race for the bottom is pretty much down to 3 teams with still a full season and toss in the 20 or so games left of this dreadful season.

1. Colorado started it's sell off last season and has either started Dmen on forward, or benched well rated veterans to try and get to the bottom. With almost 30 picks in the next 2 drafts the Avalanche are going to be stocking the cupboard.
2. Boston hasn't logged in since 2023 and is using the Detroit rebuild technique that Wayne invented, “do nothing”. Speaking of Wayne. Are we sure he's real?  I'm pretty sure he has completed 3 trades total in his career, and all with the same GM. hmmmm
3. Rangers the class of the league, respected GM Mark Mead has already made 26 trades this season and has quietly gone about his business making this league a better place for all. Yes his farm team could probably beat his pro team in a 7 game series. But just like an apple on a farm or the big apple NYC, everything needs time to grow.